Search Terms

Recycling is good for the environment, AND blog content. About a billion years ago (well, like 15-ish) I had a blog. I was 24 when I started it and it was a thing I really enjoyed. Lots of mid-twenties crud that is kinda hilarious to look back on, but I’d never dream of re-publishing.

I have been looking through the old posts (thousands of them) and found one from 2007 that amuses me. It’s a list of Google searches that brought people to my old blog, and my reactions to those search terms. I re-share it here, unedited and still maybe a bit relevant, even after 13 years.

(This is me, circa the time I was writing the old blog. An original selfie, before “selfies” were a thing. Before marriage, before kids, before teaching, before going totally insane.)


getting dermabond wet? – Don’t do it. You’ll re-open your wound and it will get infected and you’ll get gangrene and lose a limb or die. Or you’ll just have to go back to the doc to get it patched up. 

i love you man text message – Maybe you should tell him in person. 

shaudenfrued – Do you mean “schadenfreude”? I only enjoy other people’s drama when it’s someone I don’t like. Then it can be kind of satisfying. 

don’t ask me to shut up, david colon – Erm… Ok. 

no catholic wedding on saturday night – It’s true. I suggest you call your local diocese to get a good explanation why. 

i can’t remember what i was looking for – Neither do I. I don’t think Google has memory-refreshing capabilities… yet.

Demmoral – You mean “demerol” and it’s possibly the Best drug ever.

sea monkey mating habits – They’re freaky little bastards. Seriously.

And in 2020 I realize I don’t really know what sea monkeys really look like (I had an ant farm, not sea monkeys), so I found this picture and now I will have nightmares. These dudes really ARE freaky!

By © Hans Hillewaert, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9575694

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